everybody makes them but
I wanted to be the one whose mistakes don’t show,
I’ve let everyone down;
even I can’t put up with me no more.
I always took things as they came;
I build upon what others would regret,
as usual I’m the only one I’m gonna blame
but now I want a time machine to avoid the upsets.
it hurts in the tête. it hurts I can’t forget.
it hurts to think of everything we could’ve became.
it’s chaos in my brain, my body’s full of pain,
I don’t know myself anymore,
you’re not the only stranger in the rain,
I can’t tell if the name I deplore’s even mine anymore.
Now I’m a collection of yearnings and lies I told myself,
I quite need what you always provided,
love, empowerment, opportunity and help.
(wowww it has been a while, hasn’t it? I apologise. I’m horrific under a workload. I often convince myself I have an XXL one as well ugh xD)
(on a more post content-related note; open your eyes because you’re almost always gonna find an anti-hero everyman, almost everywhere. always. everywhere. almost.)
Oh blind-side plus,
Won’t call someone outright “beautiful” or “intelligent”,
But you still know how to treat us.
Oh boy never-next-door,
You’ll say we’re “not-dumb” and “not-ugly”,
No wonder everyone thinks of you an extra bore,
But they never got to know you more.
Oh classroom anti-hero,
Not even you know
That you’re the quotidian key-role,
The bridge between the feel-good that grows
To make us feel-great, us undeserving minnows.
Exploited blind-side plus,
Angelic boy never-next-door,
My purposeful pulse,
Oh classroom anti-hero.
(exams right now: yay ugh. these ones carry the most significance in my life so far so ye what better way to take some pressure off than procrastinate [wasted far too much time yeesh] here, right?)
[Trice]: And what I had for you was a need,
And to be frank my core entertained it,
I held this need, so much I’m losing me
Again. The elegant touch of this pit
That holds despondent water with my head underneath;
My mirror’s bleeding from its mislead-wrists
But also from its teeth.
Memories don’t fade and the scars still linger,
Goodbye my friend;
Why’d I ever love again?
In the coldest winter.
At the end of the day,
A monarch’s just a sinecure,
Equipped but never ready,
Feeling gifted, disillusioned and insecure.
I hate that memories retreat,
Their acquisition being the only
Argument against my frigid feet.
Hell; I’m only celibate, not holy.
But it didn’t stop me from
Crying into my sheets.
Believe me, bestie,
This is in no way an epitaph,
We’re not through; don’t leave, my other half,
Come with me,
Back to being intertwined
And thinking on each other’s behalf;
I’m not leaving.
Memories made in the coldest winter,
Goodbye my friend,
I won’t ever love again.
It’s not just me shedding essence,
I hate to admit it but I have to accept
Irrevocably, a searing, dumbing absence
Of you. But;
Who’d I be without you?
(I didn’t mean to sweet-talk in any manner xD BUT HOW COULD I LEAVE THESE TWO OUT HUH? :’) )
(to start off with a little clarity, this is a “I haven’t been posting lately I cannaht” – post, yeah :/)
I’ll begin by exclaiming the fact that I really amn’t one for excuses. Honestly.
But it’s been a comparatively barren month, yeah.
I’ve had my preliminary mock exams taking up the largest part of the month, still not a worthy excuse.
*sigh* I’ve thirty-three drafts running and I open several every night but I can’t actually get around to writing anything ugh; it’s like cognition condition-zero here BLEH
Gah so yeah; this post doesn’t serve much of a purpose apart from the fact that it’s a little like a softcopy-slap in the face. That’s because seriously, who apart from myself actually reads this blog?