the coldest winter pt. ii.

everybody makes them but

I wanted to be the one whose mistakes don’t show,

I’ve let everyone down;

even I can’t put up with me no more.


I always took things as they came;

I build upon what others would regret,

as usual I’m the only one I’m gonna blame

but now I want a time machine to avoid the upsets.

it hurts in the tête. it hurts I can’t forget.

it hurts to think of everything we could’ve became.


it’s chaos in my brain, my body’s full of pain,

I don’t know myself anymore,

you’re not the only stranger in the rain,

I can’t tell if the name I deplore’s even mine anymore.


Now I’m a collection of yearnings and lies I told myself,

I quite need what you always provided,

love, empowerment, opportunity and help.


ode to anti-hero everyman.

(wowww it has been a while, hasn’t it? I apologise. I’m horrific under a workload. I often convince myself I have an XXL one as well ugh xD)
(on a more post content-related note; open your eyes because you’re almost always gonna find an anti-hero everyman, almost everywhere. always. everywhere. almost.)

Oh blind-side plus,
Won’t call someone outright “beautiful” or “intelligent”,
But you still know how to treat us.

Oh boy never-next-door,
You’ll say we’re “not-dumb” and “not-ugly”,
No wonder everyone thinks of you an extra bore,
But they never got to know you more.

Oh classroom anti-hero,
Not even you know
That you’re the quotidian key-role,
The bridge between the feel-good that grows
To make us feel-great, us undeserving minnows.

Exploited blind-side plus,
Angelic boy never-next-door,
My purposeful pulse,
Oh classroom anti-hero.

the coldest winter.

(exams right now: yay ugh. these ones carry the most significance in my life so far so ye what better way to take some pressure off than procrastinate [wasted far too much time yeesh] here, right?)

[Trice]: And what I had for you was a need,
And to be frank my core entertained it,
I held this need, so much I’m losing me
Again. The elegant touch of this pit
That holds despondent water with my head underneath;
My mirror’s bleeding from its mislead-wrists
But also from its teeth.

Memories don’t fade and the scars still linger,
Goodbye my friend;
Why’d I ever love again?
Memories made
In the coldest winter.

At the end of the day,
A monarch’s just a sinecure,
Equipped but never ready,
Feeling gifted, disillusioned and insecure.

I hate that memories retreat,
Their acquisition being the only
Argument against my frigid feet.
Hell; I’m only celibate, not holy.
But it didn’t stop me from
Crying into my sheets.

Believe me, bestie,
This is in no way an epitaph,
We’re not through; don’t leave, my other half,
Come with me,
Back to being intertwined
And thinking on each other’s behalf;
I’m not leaving.

Memories made in the coldest winter,
Goodbye my friend,
I won’t ever love again.
Never again.

It’s not just me shedding essence,
I hate to admit it but I have to accept
Irrevocably, a searing, dumbing absence
Of you. But;
Who’d I be without you?

(I didn’t mean to sweet-talk in any manner xD BUT HOW COULD I LEAVE THESE TWO OUT HUH? :’) )

well this has been dessicant *cri*.

(to start off with a little clarity, this is a “I haven’t been posting lately I cannaht” – post, yeah :/)

I’ll begin by exclaiming the fact that I really amn’t one for excuses. Honestly.

But it’s been a comparatively barren month, yeah.

I’ve had my preliminary mock exams taking up the largest part of the month, still not a worthy excuse.

*sigh* I’ve thirty-three drafts running and I open several every night but I can’t actually get around to writing anything ugh; it’s like cognition condition-zero here BLEH

Gah so yeah; this post doesn’t serve much of a purpose apart from the fact that it’s a little like a softcopy-slap in the face. That’s because seriously, who apart from myself actually reads this blog?



bucket hat//arizona // yung lean

All you do is run away,

Think you’re being really brave,

But all you do is enjoy the pain,

Feel it all, staying awake,

All you do is cry your days away,

Assuming your beliefs are great,

All you do is waste your stay in this world that doesn’t pay,

All you do is stay refrained,

Unadhering to the game,

Yet all you do is entangle yourself in the play that’s only humane,

Shift the blame, 

Although it’s not on your display,

All you do is declare

Your heart of despair,

Only to tear,

All you do is plead to be spared

Half-heartedly, and oh, “life’s unfair”?

You’d give anything for a delay,

You in your arrays of decay; you splay clay with grey,

You can’t obey, you can’t weigh,

No beret, no cabaret,

Resort to prayer,

All you do is proclaim that you’re not austere,

All you do is think you’re prepared,

The jacket and hair, feign debonair,

Strut, ex unico fonte fanfare,

Till you swap your lil’ square

For something to wear

Six feet beneath a breath of fresh air.





Clamp Down (My Face)

(do note: this glorious event took place some twenty-two hours ago and that would explain why this sounds like really unnatural writing ehh finally something I could shove in the face of people who told me I look like a good poet xD except this blog and its material isn’t open to people I know barring two so it’s not like I can actually show people this ugh)

Clamped down.
Do you know what waterboarding is?
Was that a no
I’d heard; thought so.

Lemme, use this opportunity
To educate ya fool,
You get one lesson in theory,
So do apprehend that water’s just a tool.

The only thing I felt before I rose,
Like the pick of the deep-fryer,
Was the heat, humidity
And a headache; all verbose.

Then found myself lying gratefully on the
Frigid bathroom floor that had flown to
Meet my jaw,
And I thought that was a fin to a vie sans amour.

Somehow swaying back to my feet,
A million annoying motivation songs
Flooded my ears otherwise kaput,
But the travail prolonged.

Two feeble tugs at the taunting towel
And an instinctive wrap-around,
Meant my pallid face
Would be the first sight when I was found.

Groped at the floor, fumbled into the door,
All I needed was to feel
The metal of the lock
But like my eyes and stream of thought:
I was just blocked.

No less-blinded
Two heaving breaths later,
I rolled out
On a steaming platter.

I still don’t know how long I lay there
But I got back up,
Dappled shoulders, brined hair,
I made a mistake, yup.

Only four slippery steps
And palm-marks on white walls,
And I was facedown yet again,
Expecting a pall.

But here, twenty-two hours in the future,
I haven’t yet seen Death’s embouchure,
And maybe I amn’t as beholden,
Don’t know how to end this;
And I find that golden.

(yeah well, I still don’t know if it was a blackout or did I even faint or what? I have been constantly ill for a little over two months now hmm. When I made it out the room; I walked out with a very indifferent demeanour, no doubt intentional. Heck, I forgot to look at the time as well xD Would have given me some clue as to what happened. Heh I just blew up a simple stagger and made it sound like I’m dying in like four-hundred words holy shit. Soon as I actually manage to binge-watch something; I can officially be the angsty teenager my parents are always complaining about 🙂 yay)